Things that make Bjorn cringe

Jennifer gave Meg a dress up set for Christmas. She absolutely adores it. And so does Andy.

Things to haunt them later

Meg's babysitter has nicknamed her "MooMoo." All the kids have of deminutive -- Nicholas is Nicky-boo-boo, Haddie is Haddie-pie. What's funny about MooMoo is she likes it. She likes it so much Meg calls herself MooMoo. "No, Andy. MooMoo's!" Certainly this girl has no idea that calling herself by a cow's name will not be handy in middle school.

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An excerpt of a fine coversation in the bathtub this evening.

Andy: "So when Meg gets bigger, her nipples will get bigger, right?"
Me: "Yes, Andy. When she's about 12 or 13, she'll start to grow up and her breasts will get bigger like mine. When you're about that age, you'll get bigger, too. You'll start to get more hair on your body and your voice will change."
Andy: "And I'll get hair on my butt, right?"
Me: "Um?"
Andy: "Yeah, like Daddy. Daddy has a really hairy butt."
Me: "Do all boys have hairy bottoms? Like does Markie have a hairy bottom, too?"
Andy: "No, just Daddy. It's because he likes candy."

For the record, he doesn't have a hairy butt. And I have no idea how candy consumption relates to such a thing.

Story that he will be furious I told later

There are two main kinds of ants you'll run into in Texas. The small ones are fire ants and the big ones are carpenter ants. The little ones are mean and feisty. If they sting you, it hurts almost as bad as getting stung by a bee. Worse, it's easy to step into an ant pile and get stung a dozen times before you figure out what's what. The carpenter ants are big suckers. They are probably an eighth of an inch long. They also travel in big ant piles, but they're fun to watch because they so clearly carry pieces of food and earth that are ten times their size.

Down at the ranch, Dad, Andy and I were down by the Colorado River throwing rocks and such into the water. On our way back, Andy was clearly tired and slow moving. It didn't help that he stepped into a pile of fire ants and we had to spend time picking them off his clothes and socks. Dad picked him up and started carrying him on his shoulders as we walked back to the house.

"Ow, ow! My penis hurts!" Andy shouted.
"What's wrong? It is stuck?" I asked calmly, figuring that his pants had ridden up. Bjorn taught him that it's stuck when he pants given him a wedgie.
"No! Ants! It hurts!" he said. By now my dad has put him on the ground.
"It's okay. We'll fix it," I said. "Let's pull your pants down and readjust."
"No! It hurts! It's biting me!"
So we quickly pull his pants down. Sure enough, there on the tip of his penis is a huge carpenter ant. I must say, that ant did look pretty darn enormous next to the boy parts of a four year old.

He was fairly traumatized by the whole thing, as Bjorn and my dad understood. We did call and get a ride back to the house rather than trying to walk. Fortunately, it was a carpenter ant so it was a bite vs. a real sting. I must say I am proud of the adults for not falling over laughing at the whole thing.

Overheard

Overheard at our house yesterday:

Andy: "Mommy, you not letting me watch the Magic School Bus just BROKE MY HEART."

Classic.

I conned Andy into taking a nap yesterday. I knew he was tired and made him like next to me quietly in my bed. After about 15 minutes, he actually fell asleep. By then it was already 2:30 and I knew Meg would be waking up soon so I opted to crawl out quietly to do some work on my laptop rather than try to get in a nap that would be so short it would just piss me off.

About 10 minutes later, I heard a thumb, followed by a cry. Andy had fallen out of bed. I quickly scooped him back up and tucked him back into bed.

"That was funny," Andy said. And then he passed out for another hour.

Adorableness.

Uh oh

Tonight Andy took the Neosporin and covered his naked body in it.

"Look, Mommy. I'm all slippery."

I should have taken a photo and didn't, but his whole body looked like it was getting ready for a G-string and a strip club.

Classic

Andy was playing with one of his old toys, a dog that when you touch it, talks back and sings song.

"Ding-a-ling. I see you," says the bear."
"No you don't," says Andy.

Where did this kid get his sarcasm?

Both kids are (fingers crossed) doing better on the new antibiotic. Meg's sinus infection (i.e. goopy eyes) appears better as does her super thick and chunky runny nose. What's left now is a dry cough. It's unclear if that's part of the sinus infection working its way through or something else new and fun.

Andy was a total pill yesterday morning. We met the famous Lizzie G. at the Gap Outlet in Old Town where he proceeded to whine and complain for the entire 1 1/2 hours we were together, even with mint chocolate chip ice cream. He then came home and took a four hour nap so I suppose the kid wasn't quite right after all.

We had a dinner to celebrate Mark being in town where Bjorn made his local favorite sausage risotto for everyone. It was nice to all be together. What's funny is Jennifer is now hinting that her month stay with us may turn into a longer stay and Mark is saying he might be home for the summer. It would be sort of fun having everyone all together although I might have to invest in bunk beds or something for the big kids to share a room. I don't think I could stand one of them sleeping on the couch in the basement as it would make that room off limits until noon most mornings and a mess if we had guests over. The logistics are easy enough though.

I'm in the middle of the fourth Twilight book. Sure, it's crap, but at this point, it's familiar crap. I just wish Bella wasn't such a victim. I haven't quite figured out why everyone in the book loves her so much as it's not like she's out sewing scarves for the homeless or anything. And Jacob -- dang, he seems a whole lot more fun than Edward. Am I alone here?

One small step

Meg took her first step last night. It was more of a lunge as she moved from Andy's bed to Bjorn's waiting hands, but after she did it, we both looked at each other, smiled and agreed we would consider it her first. We practiced for a little while afterwards, but she was only saving her steps for Daddy. Bugger. She continues to put more sounds together and Ayesha swears she is saying a couple of her Urdu words.

Andy has gone from being a terror that deserved to be under psychiatric observation last night to a lovely little guy this evening who was happy after school, wanted to help with dinner, play nicely and dance with his sister and put his head on my shoulder while I type this and he watches Diego.

To get him back for being so ornery last night, I will have to record a particular gem. He was naked before his bath and I called his penis, his privates. He asked what that was and I took that as a chance to work in my ,anti-molestation speech about how he's not to show his penis to anyone except Mommy, Daddy or the doctor. Oh, and his teachers when they're helping him in the bathroom at school. He was horrified even though I have said all this before. "I can't show it to anyone? Waaaahhhh! But I want to show my penis!" Needless to say the speech stopped then.

Bizarre but true

We had a nice day yesterday. After the doctor's visit, we met friends at the Hidden Pond Nature Center in Burke/Springfield and had lunch at Einstein's bagels. I took the kids home for a nap. Andy doesn't really nap regularly anymore, but depending on his mood and what else is going on, I usually try to let him have some quiet time. Meg went to sleep relatively easily (a first for a nap lately, I think) and I went to my room to do important things, like this, John Adams on DVD and Facebook with a work e-mail or two mixed in.

I had told Andy he didn't have to sleep, but he did have to rest. He wanted to rest in his cave which is the space underneath is bed. I heard him talking to himself being quiet-ish. At a break during John Adams, I noticed he was indeed quiet so I peeked in to see if he'd decided to nap after all. And he had. Under his bed. I took a picture (naturally) and left him. I think he would have stayed asleep except he woke up after about an hour crying because he "had an accident." We cleaned up and then I had to move the bed up (it's a loft) to see if I needed to clean the carpet, too. Fortunately, the damage was contained to his underpants and jeans.

The weather here is above 50 for the first time in 200 years (or two months probably) and I'm loving it! Yesterday it was only 45 and we went to the park twice. Today we worked in the front where I washed my car in an attempt to get the salt and grime off. In the process, it somehow looks dirtier than before. Go figure. It is supposed to be nearly 50 every day next week. I even noticed a few daffodils starting to poke through. I know winter isn't over yet, but welcome back, spring. We've missed you!

Another classic

Andy: "Uh, Mom, am I wearing any underpants or am I going 'ammando?"
Me: "'Ammando?"
Andy: "Yeah, 'ammando, without underpants."
Me: "You mean commando?"
Andy: "Yeah, cuh-manndo."
Bjorn: "Okay, I did teach him that one."
Me: "..."

Classic

Me: "Andy, why are your hands in your pants?"
Andy: Smiles, "I'm just tickling my penis. Tickle, tickle, tickle!"
Me: "..."
Bjorn: "I didn't teach him that!"

Regression

At around three months, Meg started to become a good sleeper. Fairly consistently, she would sleep through the night or just waking up once. Then she got sick last month. After three weeks of coughing and vomiting and fevers, she (knock on wood, hard) is finally mostly recovered. The only problem is now she's waking up in the night. And not just once. Last night, she woke up at 11:30 p.m., 2:30 a.m. and 5:00 a.m. (not to mention Andy waking up at 5:15 a.m. and crying after a bad dream). Needless to say, we're exhausted.

I don't remember doing any sleep training per se to get her to sleep in the first place so I'm sort of at a loss about what to do now. All the books have advice on getting the kid to sleep at night, but I haven't found much on what to do when she's waking up. Any advice?

And on a completely unrelated note, Andy told me last night that when he gets big, he's going to have a big, BIG penis and it's going to stick out, all the way to HERE. And he's going to have a really big, big pocket for it, too.

Real men

Last week, there was an article in the Washington Post about toenails accompanied by half a page above the fold of different kinds of painted toenails (see it here). Andy was fascinated and wanted to paint his toenails, green of course. He kept asked so yesterday I bought him some green nail polish. He delighted in painting his own toenails as well as his toes and part of his feet. He saw that my toenails were already painted so he begged Bjorn to paint his. Bjorn wasn't especially thrilled, both about getting his nails painted and me insisting on chronicling it with the camera (he doesn't even know about the blog post...yet.)

Antibiotics here we come

It's official - the never-ending ear infection is back. We went to the doctor's today who confirmed that he still has an ear infection and that's probably building up infection in his sinuses, causing the eye goop. Way better than pink eye, but it does mean we're back on this treadmill again. When asked about tubes, she said that the infection may be starting in the nose and sinuses, but it can't drain through the ears properly which is why he's still sick. The plan is to try another round of antibiotics (this time amoxicillan/Augmentin) and see if we can't clear it up without surgery. But she did say that this kind of perpetual infection this early in the cold and flu season doesn't look good. Sigh. One more thing to worry about between now and the end of January.

The only good news is that apparently his ears are so red, she said they most certainly hurt. And that's good because it means my kid is not the demon he has been portraying lately, he's just uncomfortable and I can help alleviate that.

Meanwhile, check the porn shot I posted. He really wanted to wear his boots the other day as I had him undressed for his bath. He looked so funny clomping around that I took a couple of pictures. I found I actually had to delete one that showed his boy parts because it just looked so, so wrong somehow -- naked except for yellow rain boots and posing. So I made him put Jeff on his lap to at least cover the money shot. I still think this will be properly humiliating when he gets older. I see rehearsal dinner slide show written all over this one.

Opposable thumbs

Andy has figured out the locks on our doors. Sadly, he has figured out how to lock me out of the house as well. Yesterday I had started boiling some water on the stove and stepped outside for 2 minutes to turn on the water to try to revive my plants that are melting in the 100 degree days with 70 percent humidity we've been having all week. Andy said he was content playing in his kitchen although as soon as the door closed apparently he changed his mind because seconds later, I tried the kitchen door and it was locked. From the inside. Where my house keys and cell phone were. D'oh.

Fortunately, after about 30 seconds of coaching he figured out how to unlock it, but those were some pretty tense 30 seconds.

I've been saying for some time we need to find some type of permanent hide-a-key for the carport. We've tried it over the years for Mark, but he would use the key once and lose it so after a while there simply weren't any extra keys to hide. I think Andy is telling me I need to revisit this idea.

The basement and my Chippendale's dancer

Before (below) and after (above)

Someone asked to see before and after pictures of the basement. Viola. Unfortunately, I didn't take pictures of the new floor for the first week when it was still pristine and clean. In this picture, it looks a little cluttered, but really it's tons better than it was before. We're really psyched. Bjorn's going to be mad that he's in this picture, especially since he's all sweaty from the gym and was mad I was taking the picture.

After a rough day and night Tuesday, Andy slept well last night and did fine at school today. Bjorn also took him to my indoor game at the Fairfax Sportsplex where he picked up some soccer moves in that hour that are still hard for me to do. I know, I know, I've always said he could play the violin, be a mathlete, learn origami, but man, it would be cool if he liked soccer as much as I did/do.

Meanwhile, check out my Chippendale's dancer in training. I was cleaning out some clothes and came across this tie with Velcro on the back. I put it on him as I was getting him dressed for bed and then he didn't want to take it off. Classic blackmail picture of him sitting on the potty with a tie on.

Someone needs to warn the potty chair

After Andy's success standing up with the potty, he's now fascinated by it. Of course, he's never fascinated with it at a time when he could do anything with it. Rather, he usually does his business and then later gets an interest. This morning, Bjorn took off Andy's diaper and asked him if he'd like to go to the potty. Andy sprinted over to it and continued to thrust his body at it in the hopes that some pee would come out. He was practically mounting the poor Baby Bjorn potty trying to shove his boy parts at the potty trying to get them to work. Unfortunately, all this excitement made him poop. On the floor. It was totally gross and I couldn't convince him to turn around and actually get it into the potty. Clearly, we're a ways off actual potty training since I don't think he is able to recognize when his body is telling him it's time to go. The whole thing is pretty amusing. Well, when it's not totally disgusting.

Andy is also going through a bit of a hitting phase. Over the weekend, he kept hitting me and Bjorn and didn't get that it wasn't funny. I tried to give him a time out, but he still seemed to think it was a game. I eventually put him to bed and he seemed to forget about it overnight although this morning he hit me and smiled, waiting for a game to begin. I held his arm and said, "No hitting" and after about 30 seconds, he began to sulk, which is how he usually reacts when I tell him no. I definitely need to read up on this discipline thing.

"Mama, Broken"

Tonight Andy did something that will haunt him the rest of his life. As I undressed him in the bathroom for his bath, he started to pee on the floor. Quickly, I grabbed the plastic insert from the potty chair and put it under his stream and caught what was left. He was fascinated. Seriously. I moved it over and put it back in the potty, directed him over to it and encouraged him to keep peeing. He squatted, bent his knees, leaned forward, bounced on his toes a bit and generally hung over the potty. At one point, he was pushing his stomach out so far he couldn't see his penis, which confused him. After a bit, he turned to me and said, "Mama, broken" and pointed to his penis. The whole scene cracked me up so I had to call Bjorn en route from the George Mason game (they lost to Hofstra) just to relate the story. It was truly amusing.

The good news is he's showing an interest in the potty again. The last few weeks/months, he's really wanted nothing to do with it.