Things NOT to say to a pregnant lady

I'm not a delicate flower. I like to joke and have a good time. But being an enormously pregnant with the knowledge I have many more weeks to go, I am a tad cranky (Bjorn would disagree over the "tad" part). It doesn't help that people can be total morons when it comes to talking to pregnant ladies. Here's a list of things people have said to me recently that I would safely put in the "avoid" column.

• Don't ask if I'm having twins. Hahaha. That's so NOT funny.
• Don't tell me how big I'm getting. I know that. While I'm excited about the reason, the actual getting big part actually doesn't feel that great and comes with a host of side effects.
• Don't tell me stillbirth stories. Bad things happen, I get it. Really. I'm also worried about it so, please, don't give me more things to worry about that I might not have thought about already.
• Don't tell me how terrible labor and delivery is. I have done it once already and wouldn't recommend it in a Zagat guide or anything, but it's sort of unavoidable. If you've got good advice, like how it was helpful to take a class or bring a book to the delivery room, great. But don't just tell me how terrible it is. At this point, the kid is eventually going to have to come out one way or the other so why give me more to worry about?
• Don't tell me how hard it's going to be to have two kids. I'm terrified enough of the prospect. Again, tips are useful; blanket statements that scare me are not.

There is a lot of fun stuff to talk about when having a baby. Like clothes and gear. Like stupid baby names (Apple or Pilot Inspektor anyone?) Like what crazy thing my celebrity pregnant BFF, Nicole Richie, has done recently.