I am an idiot, it turns out. I knew for a long time that I was having a baby. A whole nine 1/2 months. And during my pregnancy, I kept imagining having a baby and how that was going to be tough with a newborn and juggling sleep and feeding and all that stuff. Somehow in my head, though, I kind of imagined that after a while, she and Andy would just be the same age and be able to do the same stuff. I somehow didn't factor in, strangely, that she would always be three years and two weeks younger. Does that seem weird somehow?
With Andy, by the time he was one year old I was just in awe of the whole thing. I had MADE it. I had survived the long nights and we were finally getting to where it was good. He could smile and play and I was just enraptured with the whole thing. With Meg, she has come so, so far. Every day she does something new and interesting, like her recently figuring out how to open cabinets and climb stairs. But while I cheer that success, he who is louder and more dexterous demands my attention to complete a puzzle, wipe his bottom, get something else out of the refrigerator or pour more milk -- something. So I find myself sometimes looking at her thinking, "What, you're not three already?"
On the one hand, I have really had a chance to savor some of the baby moments because I'm more confident than I was with Andy (or at least I knew what to look for). But on the other hand, I worry I'm short-changing her. And to complete the cycle of neuroses, I wonder if I'm missing some of his cool moments because I've got her to attend to. And this is before I get to the other people in my life I care about, like Bjorn and my family, not to mention obligations like work.
Those of you with older kids, how do you balance it all? And is this what creates all that sibling rivalry?
It will sound completely goofy (and it is completely goofy) but I sat them both on my lap (like she knows what is going on but she sure seems to these days) when she was around one or maybe a month or so after and I told them the story. the I love you so much it hurts, I want to be there for both of you but there will be times I can't and that I am doing the best I can and to come talk to me anytime (for the older) they feel shortchanged. When it is really important (and it often is), come tell me all about it or maybe I can be with it. I think it helped George to hear me tell Mary that he was as important as her and vice versa. I will say this last year (the talk probably did nothing but it helped me) has gotten easier as they do actually play together and Mary can be more independent. That is a BIG help.
ReplyDeleteI have no earthly idea how parents with more than two do it. This is really hard! Rewarding out the wazoo but HARD. My head spins at times...
It will sound completely goofy (and it is completely goofy) but I sat them both on my lap (like she knows what is going on but she sure seems to these days) when she was around one or maybe a month or so after and I told them the story. the I love you so much it hurts, I want to be there for both of you but there will be times I can't and that I am doing the best I can and to come talk to me anytime (for the older) they feel shortchanged. When it is really important (and it often is), come tell me all about it or maybe I can be with it. I think it helped George to hear me tell Mary that he was as important as her and vice versa. I will say this last year (the talk probably did nothing but it helped me) has gotten easier as they do actually play together and Mary can be more independent. That is a BIG help.
ReplyDeleteI have no earthly idea how parents with more than two do it. This is really hard! Rewarding out the wazoo but HARD. My head spins at times...
You need to come to my blog and stroll down my blog roll to find 2by2by2. The writer of this blog is my good friend Cindy B. and she has had three sets of twins. They all are ten or younger. This amazing woman writes about her life. I am in awe frankly.
ReplyDeleteShe had her third set of twins while she was finishing her doctorate at George Mason University and writing her thesis. She has the cutest kids. She has wild storie that you can read.
One of her daughters doesn't like to wear clothes. She was found naked in Chuck Cheese playing on the jungle gym. Cindy says she has lots of photos by the Christmas tree with all the kids and one very naked little girl. Cindy would have to put her sleeping jammies on backwards or else she would take them off in bed. Another time this same daughter undecorated the Christmas tree of all the ornaments and made the other kids in the family cry with sadness over that.
You just got to read this blog. You will think believe it or not that you are living the life of Riley in comparison. What else can I say but it all changes so fast just enjoy each and every good or bad moment with your kids. Savor the delight of poop,vomit and spit up while it lasts. It too will go away.