Vacay

Before we could leave for the beach, Andy had his last day at Kindercare. Here he is with his teachers Mr. Jerrell and Ms. Clydie. I teared up a little, but he was fine.

Tor and Ryan on the boogie boards.

Nicole with her shadow Mia.

Trying to convince Meg this was fun. She didn't buy it.

Poor awkward port-wine sunburn.

Day two with the hat and shirt. That's Mia behind him. They did variations of this for five and six hours at a time. It was remarkable.

We did it! We took a vacation that wasn't to see family, go to a wedding or a graduation of some kind. Through a Theta friend, we got a great deal on a four bedroom house in Rehoboth, Delaware, about 3 1/2 hours away. After trying for months to pin down a date with friends, we finally just booked the house and were fortunately that folks could join us. Andy had the time of his life. Minus the seriously red sunburn (poor kid has my features, sadly) he had the best time. He played with Mia and Liam and loved the beach, just running into the surf and making piles of sand and water entertained him for like six hours at a stretch with no complaining. It was remarkable really.

Meggie Meg, however, was not so keen on the beach. In fact, with such a willing audience, she spent a lot of time whining. Her new trick is to get others to read her books, which is both adorable and annoying. She also loves to take us by the hand and take us to whatever it is she wants to do next, like go outside, eat sometime. It's not talking, but she's getting started on that. I imagine next year she'll be more interested. I think my friend would let us rent it again next spring (it's cheaper in the off season and right now we don't have to worry about school schedules). I also think next year she'll be entertained with the DVD for three hours. As it was, she was a pretty good whiner about the ride as well.

We loved seeing our friends with the bonus of them having friends in town. Bjorn's brother and his kids were there, too, so it was really nice and social while relaxing. I want to go back tomorrow. Well, except for the driving and sunburn parts. Poor Andy is so sunburned awkwardly on his face due to my poor sunblock application is looks like a bad port wine stain. For the second day, I made him wear an "aqua" shirt which in this case was just a microfiber shirt and a hat.

In other big news, Andy starts his new school tomorrow. He's starting at the George Mason University Preschool/Daycare. I really liked the program. It's slightly less convenient, but I liked it better and it's marginally cheaper. Score! And as if things weren't busy enough, I've decided to take a graduate school class at George Mason myself in health communications. One class in and I'm already a little daunted.

Holy storms, Batman

It's been a wacky week in Washington (a lot of alliteration already). The weather gods gave us three days of thunderstorms, including some of Wednesday that produced tornadoes and tennis-ball-sized hail. Crazy. Our house was fine, but our neighbor across the street wasn't quite so lucky. There were also reports of a tornado touching down not far from my office where, sadly, one person died when a tree fell onto a car.

At Andy's school they even got all the kids into the hallway until the storm passed. Hearing about that certainly brought back memories of growing up in Texas and lining up in the hallways of the elementary school with our heads between our knees during a tornado warning.


I'd love to say the weather is the reason for the lack of posts recently, but truthfully, this working and taking care of kids thing has been kind of kicking my ass lately. We're slowly getting into a groove. The kids are doing fine at their respective places and I'm enjoying (mostly) being out of the house and doing something other than changing diapers. But at the end of the day, once everyone is snug in their beds, I'm finding I'm exhausted and ready for bed. When did I get so lame that being able to go to bed at 9:30 p.m., with the goal of sleeping until 3 a.m. is the highlight of my day?

P.S. New pictures posted to the right on Flickr.
P.P.S. I have spent the past several weeks slowly taking down a wallpaper border in Mark's room. God, do I hate wallpaper and that Dif crap that you spray to take it off. I swear I've spent the last five years taking down wallpaper in various room. When it comes to buy our next house, I'm going to demand one without wallpaper.

Daycare update

The test run went well yesterday at the new babysitter. Meg was with her for about four hours. She took one good nap in the morning and was sleeping in Ayesha's arms when I arrived. I sat with her and watched and talked for another couple of hours and we agreed Meg will start on Tuesday. This lady is very nice, has two kids of her own in school and seemed very welcoming and flexible.

I have calmed down considerably from my freak out. My sister recommended making a list and I did. Turns out that helps a lot. I also need to keep reminding myself that I'm looking for a babysitter, not an adoptive family. Meg is going to be looked after just a few hours a week, it's not boarding school.

I've been grateful for all the support from friends like you guys and others. In a few days, I've lined up short-term several alternatives, including Andy's old babysitter and a college kid who could work a few weeks before starting a job. It's a relief to know that other options exist. I'm also intrigued by the nanny/au pair idea. Anyone have a good experience with that?

P.S. I updated the pictures on Flickr. There are some funny ones, including Andy helping Bjorn build a gate -- in his underwear naturally. I also caught some of Meg smiling.

Daycare drama

Ugh. Where to start. I put Meg and Andy in the same daycare last week. It's one friends have gone to for years so it came recommended. It had the added advantage of being close by and being a place that would accommodate both kids.

When Andy was a baby, he went to a in-home daycare, basically a babysitter that watches several kids out of her home. I found her through an agency that regulates these types of daycares locally and I liked what I saw. It wasn't perfect, but she was nice, kind and good to Andy. The thing I didn't like about it was that it was out of a home, and thus I couldn't pop in at a moment's notice without barging through the door to really to see what was happening. I felt like I didn't really know what he did all day and that worried me, but every day, he came home happy and fed.

The good part was as he got older, we never had an issue of separation anxiety. He was always happy to see her, which made it easier for me (turns out, in many ways this is all about ME). I still went through periods of worrying (I like to worry, it turns out), but generally it was a good experience. After two years, the time came when I was ready for him to have more of a preschool experience with other kids, art projects, etc. so we switched shortly after his second birthday.

When looking for care for Meg, I was really focusing on something that would have both kids. That was mostly for my convenience, but I liked the idea that he could tell me what she couldn't. Turns out in a center, the classes don't mingle at all so they never saw each other. It also turns out in a room full of babies, someone is always crying, often lots of someones. And with so many babies, they had to leave the lights on. It seemed Meg was coming home tired from not napping all day. The final straw was when I went in Monday and she was crying, well, wailing. She had actually gotten past protest crying, past mad crying to that sad exhausted crying. To be fair, she had spit up her entire lunch and seemed to have a tummy ache, but the chaos that was in there made me very uncomfortable. I panicked. I sat with her for about 20 minutes calming her down and I watched the room. I didn't like it any better as I sat. She seemed exhausted so I took her home. And cried. A lot.

I talked to my friends, I talked to Bjorn, I talked to my boss, I talked to my family and after obsessing for two days, I decided to take her out of there. It's probably fine, but at the end of the day, I decided that my gut was telling me it wasn't right for us and I'm going to try to listen to it.

I'm now back to researching in-home providers, that's right, exactly what I said I didn't want. The advantages I'm finding are the one caregiver aspect, the home setting, the idea that someone might love my baby close to as much as I do. The downside, of course, is there's less oversight and it involves trusting one person with my precious baby. I know, obsess much?

After calling around, I found a nice woman in my neighborhood (conveniently located between Andy's school and home) who is licensed, caring, has a nice family and a clean home. It felt more like if I was leaving Meg at my sister's house than an institution. She listened to me when we talked about what I'd like for Meg and she comforted my neuroses and was nice when I teared up a little (I know, I'm a HUGE dork, but that's not really a surprise). We're trying it out tomorrow to see if we like each other.

I swear, this parenting shit is hard. I just want their to be a right answer, you know, rather than a ton of possible answers, all of which are kind of right and you have to figure out the one that's most right. It's like the reason I don't like crossword puzzles -- it's not like a true/false statement, rather the question is, "Name a Kentucky Derby winner" and you have to find the one that's 16 letters rather than just naming the 2008 winner.

Empty nest

Mark's room after he left.

His apartment from the outside. It's a four-plex of four bedroom, two bath apartments.

Mark in his shower. This is probably the cleanest it will ever be.

His bedroom, which is actually rather large.

The kitchen with the washer and dryer off to the right here.

Looking through the kitchen to the living room.

So Mark is gone, off to Old Dominion University and out of the house. I knew it was coming. I think we were all ready (well, he was probably most ready). All the same, it's totally weird with him gone. The noises I hear in the kitchen aren't him coming in, but most likely a cat or Andy sneaking out of bed. His room is empty. Really empty as he took the bed, desk, dresser, chair, lamp and nightstand with him. Considering he really wasn't around that much what with school, the gym, reffing and general carousing, I am surprised by how weird is it to know he's gone. On the positive side, the food in my refrigerator seems to last a lot longer.

In other news, I'm having serious second thoughts about Meg's day care and I'm actively seeking other options. I'll post more on this later once I fully wrap my mind around what I want to do.

Ugh

So the first day back at work was today. I was a nervous nelly all weekend (not that I like to obsess or anything) only to wake up at 5 a.m. to both kids awake and wanting to play. I fed Meg and let her talk herself back to sleep in her crib and let Andy "read" with his light on so I could sort of sleep from 6:15 a.m. to 7:00 a.m. All that combined made me a little emotional. Andy was great at the drop off. He was a little shy, but went into his room without crying. Meg did well, too, although she did give me a little frown as if to say, "Why are you doing this?" Thanks, kid.

I jumped right into work, which was good to keep me from obsessing some more except for everyone asking me how I was doing. I know people mean well, but it made it an effort not to cry. I checked in around noon and Meg had slept and was drinking a bottle and Andy was in new clothes, having had a poopy accident that morning. I left work around 3:00 p.m., delighted that it took me only 15 minutes to get to their school. Andy was just up from not taking a nap and having a snack. He whined that he didn't want to leave, that he wanted to play. Bugger. Meg was also peacefully asleep in her crib. Her teachers reported that she was a great baby and very happy with no crying. Oh, and that she was really cute, too.

Once home, Andy went upstairs to rest and promptly fell asleep giving me some time with Meg. She's just cuter, more alert and interactive every day. It's sure hard to leave them every day, but I'll admit I liked the break and talking with adults. I may think differently when things get super busy in a few weeks, but today was a decent day.

In other news, it rained 7 inches at Dulles Airport yesterday and the area is just one big wet, sloppy kiss. This is on top of four inches of rain we got last week. Lots of folks lost power due to tree roots loosening and falling onto power lines and there is a ton of flooding that caused many schools to close. Wacky.

Dry run

Since I'm going back to work on Monday, I took the kids to their new daycare/school yesterday. I went in the morning after the morning drop-off rush and stayed a little over an hour. First Andy and I met Meg's teachers in the baby room. He and I were nervous, she was oblivious and everyone was very nice. After we spent some time introducing Meg around, seeing her crib and talking with her teachers, we left her for a bit to go see his new classroom. He's starting in the two-year-old room for now. He's already three, of course, but we know two other kids in that class already and we thought it would be an easier transition that way. Plus, he's not 100 percent potty trained yet and thought this class might be less pressure until he's ready.

He was pretty clingy as we went into the room. He brightened up once they started singing some songs. It was then time for a snack and they were having cupcakes in honor of one child's last day. Once Andy got a brown cupcake, he was feeling pretty good about the place. After talking to his teachers for a while, I left him to eat his cupcake and go talk to Meg's teachers one on one. He was nervous, but I promised to be back in a few minutes. After I got to know Meg's teachers, who seemed very nice and to really love babies, and got everything ready for Monday, I came back to collect Andy. By then, he was jumping and playing on the mats with the other kids and wasn't ready to go. I think that bodes well.

Monday is going to be tough, but I think I'm ready. I hope.

Last day

Today was Andy's last day at his old school. It hit me when I woke up this morning, that the transition I put in place is all leading up to one thing -- going back to work. I'm ready on one level, terrified on another. Meg is becoming more adorable every day (especially when she sleeps through the night). When I go in most mornings, she looks up at me, smiles and kicks her legs. It's so precious and in some ways so simple. No negotiating about clothes or food, just a simple smile of welcome. Granted, she can't hug me and say I love you, but she also can't declare that she's not my friend yet. Meg and I have come a lot way together in the last three months (well, nine months and three months). It's sort of hard to believe we're here already.

On another front, I've been reading up on strategies for outsmarting Andy's annoying behavior of whining, crying, arguing and temper tantrum throwing. The book by Thomas Phelan Magic 1-2-3 was recommended and I'm going to give his strategies a shot. The basic premise is that while these kids can talk, they are not adults and you therefore can't reason with them on behavior. Instead, if they act up, give them a count of three to act right and then it's time for time out. No discussion and no arguing. The other part that rang true is keeping my emotions in check so that I'm not having a temper tantrum back at him. I'll keep you posted as to whether it works.

Meanwhile, I pulled out the high chair and put it in the kitchen so Meg can watch what's going on. She seemed to like it, especially Andy smiling at her, until I took the picture. The face captured here really cracks me up. I have taken a lot of cute pictures lately that I'm going to get up to Flickr soon.

Retraining

With the temper tantrum of a few weeks ago, I've been reading and rereading books for strategies on dealing with him. One thing that seems to be helping is making a real effort to get him into bed at a decent time. I'm now giving both kids a bath more or less at the same time. Meg loves to lay on the sling and kick the water while Andy likes to make birthday cake with the cups. It's a pleasant enough way to spend 20 minutes and then Andy can sit in the tub by himself for a bit while I get Meg dressed and ready for bed.

I'm also trying to not go in to him as much at night. His room is right near ours so if he cries out for one of us, he's loud and hard to ignore, but we're working on it. And if we do go it, it's not to cuddle, it's to quickly fix something (find a binky, covers, etc.) and leave without fanfare. The theory is that if it's not fun, he'll lose interest. A work in progress, but it helps to be trying something.

The funny thing about the sleep thing is now he's waking up to go pee. It's great and a positive step, but I find him getting up to pee in the morning is often before he would have liked to get up so he's tired when he wakes up. It's something we're all going to have to adjust to, but I am so proud of him for getting up out of bed and doing it himself. He's really catching on (fingers crossed).

I'm also working to give him more control. Instead of offering him two spoons or cups to choose from, I've put all his stuff in a drawer in the kitchen. Then if he complains he doesn't like something, I tell him to get another one. I'm also working to redirect him if he complains, which sometimes works. So if he complains that he wants X, Y or Z, I tell him to go get it (within reason, of course, the wine is mine).

Meg is just a darling. She isn't rolling over yet, but she sure can arch her back and kick her legs, like she might want to. Right now it's great to know I can put her down and she won't go anywhere. I know that won't last long. She's now usually going to bed around 9ish and waking up 6:30ish with a wake up call in the night sometime between 2 and 4. For me, it's great to just have an hour or so to myself before bed to relax without either one of them.

And speaking retraining, I'm going back to work in two weeks. On the one hand, it will be nice to be with adults for part of the day and do something other than clean diapers and do laundry, but I'm starting to get a little anxious about it. I'm overall better than I was before I went back after Andy, but I can still feel it. When I start to get worked up, I just remind myself that if it doesn't work, we'll change it. Nothing has to be forever. My plan is to work four half days through May and then go back to four full days a week starting in June. I'm hopeful the half days will help us used to a new routine at a new daycare with two kids. I like that the new daycare is just a mile away -- that will certainly make it easier if we forget something.

Moments of success

So we sent Andy to school yesterday in just his underwear, no diaper. After screaming at Bjorn the entire way to school, he went the whole day without going in his pants. I am as stunned as you are. Granted, he didn't poop at school and that has been the barrier, but he did go dry all day and got lots of stickers and praise from his teachers, who encouraged us to do it again today. It's a start. Funny, I don't mind changing Meg's baby diapers so much, after all they're small and not quite human like yet, but somehow cleaning off poop off a real person is pretty icky. Go figure.

Speaking of Meg, she is a full blown infant now. With a huge crush on my ceiling fan. She lies under the fan and smiles and laughs at it, practically craning her head to get around me or Bjorn. It's just adorable. She's sleeping decently now, often just getting up once in the night. However, she wakes up and wants to play, rather than just eat and go back to sleep. It would be more annoying if she wasn't so darn adorable right now.

I have about a month left before I go back to work and I think I may be just about ready. We have the daycare lined up, I feel good about where the kids are going and the thought of spending the day talking to adults doesn't seem so bad right now. I may feel totally different when the time comes.

I'm also tinkering with Flickr trying to get more pictures posted. Bear with me, I have no idea what I'm doing.

Daycare search

With my time off with a kid with an unpredictable schedule that doesn't want me to nap, I'm doing some research of childcare options. I like Andy's school, but it doesn't start until age two and I'm interesting researching places where both of them can go together. My reasons for that are selfish - I'd like the convenience of one place. Plus, at three, Andy can tell me about his day and I like the idea that he can tell me about Meg's day, too. I also think Andy would like being in school with his sister.

I first looked at the KinderCare in my neighborhood last week. Several friends go there and really love it. It's way convenient - only a mile from my house - and I like that we'd know other parents and kids there. The staff was very nice. The baby room was quite clean and bright and the teachers just love babies, which I like to hear. The thing I didn't like was they don't turn out the lights for nap time. I'm not sure why that bothers me, but it's a small thing to get over. For Meg, it's most important for me that there are people there to hold her and love her more so than activities at this point.

For Andy's room, the class size is 20 with two teachers and floaters for special things, like music. It was loud, but all the kids seemed to be having fun. They also have a nice playground segregated by age so the little kids don't have to mingle with the older ones on the playground. I liked that the teachers were interacting with the kids and doing projects. The school menu is also good and healthy. It's funny, I'm willing to feed Andy crap like McDonald's, but if I'm paying for it, I'd like it to be a healthier choice. The school also does neat stuff like Parents' Night Out when they rent a moon bounce or something like that and the kids eat pizza and play while the parents can go out.

Today, I met with a lovely woman who has a daycare out of her home in Annandale. She's the main teacher, but her older mother is there during the week to help. Her daughter is a college student and GW and is home a lot to help as well. I had a good vibe from them. The house was nice and clean (as you would expect since they knew I was coming). The playroom in the basement was pretty cool. Lots of preschool stuff that Andy loved that focuses on reading and numbers. It was very well organized and clearly geared toward learning. She also takes lots of pictures so the kids can see pictures next to words for their schedule and toys. It would be a smaller ratio of teacher to kids (at most five), not counting when the daughter and mother are there.

It felt more like a school at my sister or mother's house in that it felt very warm and family like. She takes the kids out to dig in the garden and they walk to the playground down the street. In the summer, they play with water in the backyard or even go to the pool. She even takes them to the library sometimes. The mother loved Meg and I have a feeling she would spend most of the day holding her, which I liked. Andy liked it so much that he cried when we had to leave.

Who knows what we'll do, but it's nice to know there are some good options out there.

One month

Meg is four weeks today. It's hard to believe how far we've come in just a month. The big thing this week is that she has woken up. She is now having longer stretches of being awake. It's really neat watching her observe the world (well, the world within 12 inches). She's not smiling back yet, but she's definitely testing out how to smile. Now if her awake periods would also translate into longer sleeping, we'd be all set.

The big drama last week was she had a couple of days of being really fussy/gassy. After talking with Maria who is helping us as nights, she diagnosed the problem as broccoli I had eaten earlier. I never eat broccoli, but it was in a casserole someone brought by (I love that people bring food. What a great gift! Now if I could just keep the big boys from eating is all.) After the broccoli episode on Thursday, Meg had a much better day on Friday. Serves me right for eating something green.



In the past month, I've gotten better about handling two kids at once. I marvel to think how really big families with five plus kids handle things because two just seems overwhelming sometimes. I slowly figuring out how to prioritize when both kids desperately (it seems) need something.



I still haven't figured out what I'm going to do about daycare and work. I have Meg tentatively down for a spot at a school affiliated with Andy's. I really liked the baby room, but the downside is it's a separate facility a 1/2 mile away meaning I'd have to make two separate stops. Not the end of the world, but not ideal. They also don't have a spot available until June when I really need something in May. Some soccer friends take their kids to a KinderCare around the corner and really like it (one family likes it so much they commute from Mt. Vernon to Burke every day). The downside there is that of the four kids we know who go there, they are aged four and two so Andy wouldn't walk in with friends in his class. The upside is it's really close to the house. I also want to investigate some in home care and possibly even a nanny. I would worry that Andy would be bored staying home with someone and the baby all day, but if it were the right person with the right outlook (and price), I would be persuaded.

Of course, in my sleep deprivation/getting through the day sane mode, I haven't followed up on any of this. Or scheduled Meg's six week check-up. Or scheduled my own six week check-up. Next week, hopefully.

Picture is of Andy's new house in the backyard, compliments of a neighbor who gave us first dibs before she offered it on Freecycle. We also ended up with a big plastic slide adding to the menagerie of plastic objects in our backyard.